


The Land of Lazy Children

by vladamsandler



Category: LazyTown, Страна хороших деточек | Land of Good Children
Genre: Crossover, M/M, the land of good kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-14 10:01:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11205744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vladamsandler/pseuds/vladamsandler
Summary: "I have another cousin. Even worse." Robbie covered his face with both hands, seeing the evidence fall into place. He was really only out of town for a few days, but it must've been just enough time for Polpred to swap out all five of them. "He lives in Russia. He's pure fae, much more powerful than me. His magic wouldn't be recognizeable to an elf, or a human for that matter."Polpred snatched up the LazyTown kids and Robbie and Sportacus have to team up to bring them back home from the Land of Good Children.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> for ghost and cake

It was good to be home. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the day was quiet and peaceful.

...Actually, Robbie would say it was almost a bit _too_ quiet. Where was everybody?

He had just finished unpacking from his travels that morning, and after a short midday nap, Robbie decided to investigate the blissful silence outside his lair. It was a warm summer day, but not too warm to be outside in long sleeves and pants. In fact, it was the perfect weather for outdoor activities, Robbie was loathe to admit. But surprisingly, the sports fields and the playground were empty.

Robbie slunk into town, peeking around the corners of buildings and trees with a quirked brow. Where were all the children? And that annoying, flip-flopping blue elf? He spotted movement near the central plaza and approached one of the low, yellow-brick walls furtively.

Robbie squinted at the sight of two vaguely familiar children working to repair the age-old hole in the wall. "Who are you? And what are you doing?" he asked boldly with his hands clasped behind his back. He frowned down his nose as an asian girl with three pigtails and a black boy glanced up at him with blank expressions.

"Very funny, Mr. Rotten. Stingy is paying us to finally fix this ugly hole. It's going to make everything look so much better, don't you think?"

Robbie's mouth gaped slightly and he blinked at the strangers. Mr. Rotten?? "You mean to tell me Stingy - Stingy Spoilero - is _spending_ his money? On this of all things?"

The boy laughed. "Well, what else is money good for? He said it would be more useful spent on beautifying LazyTown than sitting inside his piggybank at home."

Robbie backed away slowly as the children returned to their work. There was something terribly wrong here. Robbie was never too fond of the children around town and he usually had difficulty remembering all their faces and names because, frankly, he didn't really care enough to bother getting to know them very well, but something he was absolutely sure about in this very moment: those two kids were _not_ who they were pretending to be.

Robbie marched off, searching further for answers. He crouched behind a shrub at the sound of voices in Bessie Busybody's front yard and peered over the hedge cautiously.

"Oh my, yes, you're quite right, Stephanie. I'll fix that right away."

Robbie furrowed his brow as the Mayor scurried past his hiding spot with a handful of paperwork. His hair looked trimmed and combed and his suit a bit more fitting than usual.

"Add that to the rewash pile. I'm certain we can get it whiter."

A tall girl with a pink skirt, a white blouse, and a tight bun in her pink hair pointed at a bedsheet half-pinned to Bessie's clothesline, directing the older woman with a sugar-sweet, yet firm tone.

"Um, alright then, deary. Third time's a charm, I suppose..." Bessie awkwardly detached the sheet from the line and tossed it back into the hamper sitting in the grass. Her hair had been redone in a more conservative fashion and she was wearing a blue apron over a neat summer dress.

Robbie watched carefully as the pink girl strut across the grass, appraising the woman's work with a sharp eye. When she turned around so he could see her face, Robbie felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise.

That was _not_ Stephanie.

He stumbled away when she turned again and nervously sought out the only other person he could think of to blame for this unsettling mystery.

"Well... sweets are okay every once and a while, Ziggy... You don't have to quit them altogether."

"No, no. You've been right all along. Sportscandy is much healthier. Honestly, we might as well get rid of all the sugary foods in all of LazyTown. What with this beautiful garden we could feed everyone fresh, healthy sportscandy for every meal!"

Robbie's lip curled at the blond boy's awful words. No one was coming near his cake and ice cream machines - over his dead body.

"Um, I'm not quite sure that's really necessary..." Sportacus scratched the back of his neck, conflicted with the odd situation.

"I'll go tell the Mayor what we decided!" the boy chirped and ran off in the direction of the town hall.

"No, Ziggy, wait! I didn't-!" Sportacus' shoulders slumped as the boy disappeared out of sight.

"Something the matter, Sportaloon? Kids acting a bit strange today, wouldn't you say?" Robbie stepped out from behind a tree and crossed his arms, squinting suspiciously at the elf.

Sportacus spun on the unexpected company but then breathed out a sigh of relief. "Robbie, there's something really weird going on..."

"Hmm, yes. And you wouldn't have anything to do with that now, would you, elf?"

Sportacus cocked his head back and squinted his eyes, offended at Robbie's words. "What are you implying?"

"All these new children in town seem quite _charming,_ don't you think?"

Sportacus furrowed his brow and stepped forward. "You know I can't do magic like that. I don't even know how to charm a human. And what do you mean by new?"

"Well I'm sure if you were ever inclined to try, your elf charms would go over just about as smoothly as they have this time."

"I didn't charm anyone! How should I know it wasn't some fae spell you cooked up in your underground nest? Just like that time you put the whole town to sleep with that awful potion."

Robbie's eyebrows shot up and he glanced around nervously. How did Sportacus even know about that side of Robbie's heritage?? "I'm only half fae! I wouldn't need to concoct a potion to cast a spell otherwise." He stepped forward and poked Sportacus in the chest. "What did you do with all the real LazyTown children? Sent off brainwashed to work in your elf mines I bet!"

Sportacus scrunched up his nose in a confused expression. "What are you talking about? The LazyTown children haven't gone anywhere, they're just acting weird today is all."

Robbie paused, unsure how Sportacus didn't notice. "You know that wasn't Ziggy you were just talking to, don't you?"

"It wasn't?"

 

* * *

 

Robbie sat with steepled fingers in his fuzzy orange chair as he watched Sportacus pace the floor of his lair.

"How did you know? About... me?" Robbie frowned slightly when the elf glanced up at him, genuinely interested to hear his answer.

"You smell nice." Sportacus smiled. "I don't usually care for the smell of sugary, processed foods... but faeries always smell like fresh baked cookies or warm honey. Your lair, too." Sportacus put his hands on his hips and looked around, gently smiling at the sweet aroma in the air.

Robbie's face flushed red at his words and he was thankful for their break in eye contact. "Alright then." He stood and walked over to lay his hands flat on a metal workbench. "So let me get this straight," he muttered without turning around. "No one in town looks any different to you?"

Sportacus crossed his arms. "No. I suppose everyone seems to be dressing a bit nicer? But other than that, it's really just their odd behavior that I've noticed." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I offered to play football with the kids this morning but they were all apparently too busy. Stephanie said it was too dangerous anyway without the proper padding and headgear..."

"Too dangerous?" Robbie turned around and leaned against the workbench with squinted eyes, mimicking the elf's contemplative pose. "And the blond-haired boy said sweets were too unhealthy, and the children at the wall that the hole was too ugly... What are they trying to make this town be?" Robbie stared into Sportacus' eyes as he recalled the pink girl's authoritative words. She was insisting that Bessie and the Mayor be... better.

"Oh no."

Sportacus dropped his hands at the look on Robbie's face and approached him swiftly across the floor. "What? What is it?"

Robbie covered his eyes with one hand and resisted a groan. "Do you remember my Icelandic cousin? He visited once. Your cousin knew him as well."

Sportacus scowled slightly at the memory. "Yes, I remember that trouble-maker. He tried to poison the whole town for some strange profit off his artificial food by-product!"

Robbie glanced at Sportacus over his fingers and mumbled, "I have another cousin. Even worse."

Sportacus dropped back against the workbench himself, arms falling to his sides. "Please tell me he's in jail like the other one."

Robbie covered his face with both hands, seeing the evidence fall into place. He was really only out of town for a few days, but it must've been just enough time for Polpred to swap out all five of them. "He lives in Russia. He's pure fae, much more powerful than me. His magic wouldn't be recognizeable to an elf, or a human for that matter."

Sportacus considered Robbie's words for a moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and he was gripping the workbench tightly. "Did he take them?"

Robbie grimaced. He lightly covered Sportacus' white knuckles with his own hand. "We'll go after him." He looked up into Sportacus' eyes determinedly. "We can bring them back."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to update this sooner but I haven't had time to write. Also sorry this isn't my best work.

"Your pacing isn't going to bring them back any sooner," Robbie grumbled over the large leatherbound book in his lap from the fuzzy orange armchair.

Sportacus stopped pacing across the floor and dropped down to do some nervous pushups.

Robbie slapped the book down flat. "Can't you do some meditation or something? Better yet, why don't you just wait outside? I can't concentrate with you bouncing around in here."

Sportacus sat down with a sigh and pinched eyebrows. "How much longer?"

Robbie pulled the book up again to shield himself from the elf's puppydog eyes. "You'd rather I be thorough about this, trust me. It takes more magic than I'm used to dealing with to summon the doorway."

Sportacus moved over to stand with his fists on his hips next to the Robbie in the armchair. "Can't I just fly us to Russia? We could start looking _today."_

Robbie glanced at Sportacus with a scowl. "It's... really not that simple. You'll see. Have some blasted patience for once!"

Sportacus crumpled to the floor, leaning against the side of the armchair with his head in his hands. "I failed them," he said quietly. "I was supposed to protect them and they were snatched up right under my nose." He pushed his fingers into his hair as he spoke, having removed the concealing cap earlier. He didn't need to hide his identity from Robbie.

Robbie frowned, feeling guilty. His anger at his cousin and frustration with his limited abilities in this moment was bleeding into aggression towards the one person he knew he needed to rely on throughout this whole ordeal. He can't do this on his own. "I'm sorry."

Robbie reached forward a comforting hand, but stopped himself. "I think I've almost got it... Just give me a few more minutes, please." Robbie sighed inwardly at his clumsy snap. Sympathy wasn't his strong suit.

Less than half an hour later, the two of them stood nervously outside the lair in front of the billboard by the main entrance hatch.

"I need you to listen to me, Sportacus." Robbie had spent the last handul of minutes working to enchant the doorway in the billboard. He was nearly positive that this was going to work.

Sportacus was practically bouncing on his toes, eyebrows furrowed in determination.

"Look at me you reckless hero."

Sportacus blinked at the anxiety he could hear in Robbie's voice. "What? What's wrong?"

Robbie grabbed Sportacus' shoulder and stared hard into his eyes. "I just... need you to be careful, okay? Please just do what I tell you to do. And don't leave me behind."

"Of course not, Robbie...?" Sportacus cocked his head at the strange forewarnings.

"No, listen to me. Polpred is a _pure fae._ And we are entering his territory... uninvited. You may be almost entirely at his mercy if you encounter him. Does that make sense? This isn't a game, Sportacus."

"It'll be okay." Sportacus smiled at Robbie, trying to calm his nerves. "I trust you. We can do this." He grasped Robbie's shoulder as well. "We have to."

Robbie frowned and squinted at the elf for a moment before nodding hesitantly. "Okay. Let's go."

Robbie paused with his hand on the door handle, took a deep breath, and opened the doorway. But instead of seeing the hatch through the empty space, there appeared two elevator doors with a note in Russian attached to the metal.

Sportacus stayed close behind Robbie and blinked in amazement at the unexpected conjuring.

With a snap of Robbie's fingers, the elevator doors opened slowly and the two men gingerly entered the small space. Robbie's chest felt tight as the doors closed again and the machine jolted to life.

Bright lights filled the dark space, flashing speckled patterns on their anxious faces. As the capsule picked up speed with a hollow roar, Robbie involuntarily took a step closer to Sportacus. When he bumped into the elf's shoulder, Sportacus grabbed his hand and planted his feet firmly. He had to be brave. For Robbie and for the children.

As quickly as the elevator had torn them from their home in LazyTown, they were deposited suddenly in a strange other-reality with a loud clunk. Robbie could feel the stale, dead air leaking in from outside and he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand at the vague familiarity of it. He awkwardly pulled his hand out of Sportacus' grip and open the elevator doors with the press of a button.

The smell was the first and strongest impression on Sportacus. He glanced around in wonder as they stepped outside, grimacing at the sickly-sweet aroma in the air. It wasn't pleasant like in Robbie's lair. It smelled old and was nearly overpowering.

His second impression was the drab, nearly drained, grey color of their surroundings. They were in some sort of abandoned park. The trees around them were all dead and tangled with browning weeds. Their gnarled branches were partly obscured by a thick fog in the air and Sportacus felt a spark of anxious wariness prickle his instinctual senses.

"Welcome back to last year."

Sportacus glanced at Robbie in confusion and the he met his eyes with a blank look.

"This is how he hides. We're in an unnatural space, a constructed bubble in time. Polpred has warped the reality here," Robbie tore his eyes away and inspected their quiet, chilling surroundings, "and we are imposing."

Sportacus scuffed the dry, hardpacked mud under his feet. "Can he sense our presence?"

"I honestly don't know. I hope not." Robbie's usual sardonic tone was replaced by quiet sincerity.

"Stay back!" Sportacus whipped his hand up to cover Robbie's chest as they jumped away from the twisting metal tendrils of the gate in front of them. "What is that!" Sportacus placed himself between the writhing spokes and Robbie, eyes wide at the animation magic.

"Calm down, I know how to pass through. Well, I know you know how."

Sportacus turned on Robbie with a confused expression. He raised an eyebrow at the blush spreading on Robbie's cheeks.

"Can you purr?"

"Can I _what?"_ Sportacus' face flushed red despite his feigned ignorance. "How do you even know about that?" Sportacus sputtered, embarrassed at the topic.

"Let's just say our cousins were closer than you think they were." Robbie covered his eyes, mortified at his own words. "Go on, it will nullify the enchantment." He glanced away awkwardly. "Just do it."

Sportacus winced at the pointed ends of the gate poking towards them. "I can't just... I don't..." he stuttered, put on the spot.

"Oh for pete's sake-" Robbie rolled his eyes impatiently and grabbed Sportacus face, still blushing hard.

Sportacus closed his eyes and held onto Robbie's vest in surprise. His eyebrows shot up when Robbie kissed him but he melted when he felt Robbie push his hat to the side and rub the tip of one of his pointed ears. The feeling was ecstatic, a sensation he'd nearly forgotten about.

The metal tendrils began to droop and quickly fell to the ground in a tangled heap.

Robbie pulled away and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Must I do everything myself around here?" He stomped away over the subdued gate with a stubborn blush.

Sportacus was still purring. He blinked his eyes and straightened his hat as he stumbled after Robbie with a dazed grin.

 


End file.
